Fact: Money = happiness.
A big house(s), exotic car(s), and designer clothes(es) are all sure-fire ways boost your happiness.
The best part? Wealth is infinite.
Meaning, you can always buy a bigger house, nicer cars, and more. It’s proof that God wants us to be happy forever.
So, how do you
Keep reading for tips and tricks on how to buy happiness.
1. Outspend Your Friends and Family
So maybe you’re not Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, or any of the other members of the truly happy in the world — that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy (just not as happy as they are).
Instead, focus on your own circle. Tally up your closest friends, family, and coworkers — do you have more material possessions than them?
If you do, well done. You’re clearly the most content with your life.
If not, there are two definitive strategies to put the Joneses back in their place.
The One-Up Approach
The one-up approach is the cornerstone of any happiness crusade.
Identify your competition (happiness, of course, is a zero-sum game) and get a nicer version of their most recent purchase.
- They got a new grill? You get a grill/smoker combo that’s bluetooth-enabled.
- Are those new golf clubs? Buy a single club that’s worth more than their entire set.
- Did they renovate their bathroom? Casually mention how you’re redoing yours too “just ‘cause” — complete with toilet/bidet combo that’s bluetooth-enabled.
One-upping is a classic ticket to happiness — it’s in all of the happiness books simply because it always works.
However, if you’re looking for a more subtle approach, go with option two…
Declare Open-Season on Upgrades
We’ve all heard of “Pistol Pete”, but what about “Amex Alex”?
This happiness-hack is a fast and fun way to rack up (s)miles. Pick a handful of smaller purchases and find ways to upgrade them.
Here are some of my favorites:
- Upcoming flights? Upgrade to first class (a 3 hour flight definitely justifies it).
- Add a personal trainer to your elitist (i.e. happiest) gym membership.
- Upgrade all streaming services to the ad-free version. It doesn’t matter if you won’t watch them — streaming services are the new cable bundles
- That last one was a test — always pay for the ad-free version.
Focusing on outspending your friends and family puts you at the top of the food chain amongst those you hold dear — even if you’re not a 1-percenter.
2. Buy Duplicate Items for Specific Tasks
The frowning masses miss out on a simple trick to happiness: buy at least two of everything.
Sure, you have an Fitbit for “day-to-day” health monitoring, but having a second one dedicated to skiing is the move.
Not only does this show people that you’ve got the money for duplicates, but it demonstrates just how dialed-in you are on everything.
The second you show up with a “warm-weather 9-iron” or a “weekend Rolex”, people will know you operate on a different level. You think of everything.
So, double up on the item count in your shopping cart. You’ll look twice as smart because of it.
3. Subscribe to Things You’ll Never Use
Winners know: just because you can, does mean you should.
Subscriptions are like badges for girl scouts — the more you have, the better you are. Wear subscriptions with pride.
Some obvious subscriptions include:
- Streaming services (they just keep coming out with these)
- Storage facilities (can hold your unused stuff!)
- Meal delivery services (don’t eat these, continue to go out for every meal)
Happiness Hack: don’t just buy someone a one-time gift. Buy them a year subscription to something. That way, you’ll be seen as 12x more amazing.
Rack up those monthly charges, even if you don’t use them.
The time you save not using something is time you can spend talking about paying for it.
You’re welcome.
Conclusion: How to Use Money As a Tool for Happiness
Ready to start buying your way to a more fulfilling life?
You’ve got the tips and tricks you need to outrank your loved ones, appear more intelligent by buying two of everything, and talk about paying for things you don’t use.
Now go get your teeth bleached — you’re about to be smiling a lot more.
